D-MER. What is that? No one really knew what I was talking about when trying to describe this during my first postpartum experiences nearly ten years ago; not my doctor, pediatrician, or my midwife. I just happened to learn of it when I started googling these strange symptoms that I noticed while nursing my second baby. Every time I sat down to nurse I would experience a strange sensation during the milk “let down”. I googled the symptoms. I started with “nausea while breastfeeding”. And eventually I came to this…
“Dysphoric milk ejection reflex (D-MER) is a condition where women who are breastfeeding develop negative emotions that begin just before the milk ejection reflex and last less than a few minutes. It is different from postpartum depression and a dislike of breastfeeding.”
Yes! That was exactly it. I loved breastfeeding, and I was not experiencing postpartum depression. This was more of a strange feeling that washes over your body and creates a sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach, almost like a homesick feeling. For some, the feeling only lasts a few moments during the time when the baby latches on and starts suckling to when the milk comes down. Then, as quickly as it comes, it disappears and you feel like yourself again. Many times, it may only last the first few months of breastfeeding and then gradually fades away after time.
This is not a psychological reaction. It is not a dislike a breastfeeding. It is not a response to trauma. This is a physiological reaction that is believed to take place when dopamine levels make an abrupt and brief drop in order to allow prolactin to rise and allow for the milk to flow.
If you’ve ever experienced this, know that you are not alone. There are Facebook groups about D-MER with over 4.6 thousand members, most of whom report experiencing these exact symptoms and more related to the initial let down while breastfeeding and many of them described it in a similar way. Some people either don’t notice this change or they don’t experience it as intensely. It is possible that some people are highly in-tuned with their body and experience hormonal shifts much more intensely than others. For those who notice and experience this hormonal shift, it can be very mild and manageable and for others it can be extremely intense and unmanageable. Sometimes, the feelings are so intense that the only relief comes from ending the breastfeeding relationship.
Things like exercise, getting sleep, having proper nutrition and support can be helpful. Some people find relief drinking ice cold water prior to or during initial latch and let down. Others find relief from eating before feeding the baby. Avoiding caffeine seems to help people as well. But most of all, just validation that this response is happening and that over time, it will likely dissipate, is encouragement enough to get some people through this sensation. Finding a reason for this feeling and make sense of it, knowing it was an actual hormonal “thing”, and realizing that it only lasted a few moments, all helped make it manageable for me to continue my breastfeeding journey despite the discomfort.
If you are experiencing this shift while breastfeeding, you can check out www.D-MER.org, this book, “Before The Letdown: Dysphoric Milk Ejection Reflex and the Breastfeeding Mother” by Alia Macrina Heise or join the Facebook Group, Dysphoric Milk Ejection Reflex (D-MER) Support Group from d-mer.org. Finally, know you are not alone, and what you are experiencing is hormonal. Know that most times, this condition will gradually fade away through the course of your breastfeeding relationship.
Have you ever experienced symptoms of D-MER while breastfeeding? Comment below to share your experience and your tips to overcoming this breastfeeding challenge.
Stephanie is a labor and birth doula located between Cincinnati, Ohio and Dayton, Ohio. I provide prenatal support, childbirth education, labor support, and birth photography. If you are interested in learning more about doula support, click here to send a message or to schedule a phone call with Liberty Doula Services. You can also send me a text directly to 513-417-2700.
Being a parent isn’t always easy, keep on keeping on being your amazing best self, and do it however it works best for you!
-Stephanie
Liberty Doula Services | Cincinnati & Dayton Ohio Doula 